if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
