I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
