he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My cat gives me a boner
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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