I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
