i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
