dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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