I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
