can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize