Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
