yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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