Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
