No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please come you make the beer taste better
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
