im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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