He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
