We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
