sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
