I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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