Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
