Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
