dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wear drunk well.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
