I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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