I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
