Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins