i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog