Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist