do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"