i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen