my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.