eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
