Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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