do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dear god my vagina.
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