i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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