My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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