Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
