I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
