I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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