if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
