My nipple is on Facebook.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
