you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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