im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The power of my boobs compel you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
