i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.