He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.