OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.