dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice