Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
