I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?