she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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