Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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