My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
