My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
