Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
