KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
