You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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