Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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