We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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