went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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