went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
