This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
