I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
