I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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