I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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