Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
