Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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