I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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