I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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