Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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