i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
