I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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