And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
