I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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