Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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