I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
